By: Lauren and Haney

One interesting facet about our engagement that we did not expect was how interested everyone seemed to be about our non-existing wedding plans on the day of our engagement—of course, this is probably your experience, too. You want to share the joy of your recent engagement, but before you can even catch your breath, people are already asking you details about “when’s the wedding,” “where’s the wedding,” and so on.  That begins the wild ride of tackling the barrage of details decisions that wedding planners like you contend with everyday.

So it’s really easy to get completely engulfed in all the details like flowers, length of speeches, etc..  Like other normal human beings, we responded to all these questions from others about the wedding by asking each other when, where, who, what, how?

But we soon realized that we couldn’t answer these questions, big or small, without understanding the “why.”  We were trying to come up with details without understanding the big picture, which simply is answering the question about why do we as a couple work well enough to be married and joined for life and why are we asking people to come together to celebrate with us.

So we sat down and asked ourselves “what’s our wedding vision?” We knew that without clear goals, we would get lost in the whole wedding process, and we wanted grounding words to return to if we ever felt lost—the big “why” we are doing what we are doing.  We talked through the big picture goal and values to write our “wedding vision.”  And we can’t say enough times how having this focused direction has made life a billion times easier.  When we make decisions about our wedding, they all align with our big picture vision, and our vision helps us navigate the wedding world.

Writing a “wedding vision” may feel a little business-like or over the top, but trust us it’s worth it. After all, you do have to decide your theme (traditional, beach, modern etc.), location, colors and all. Having a road map– AKA your wedding vision– will help you and others to make the smart decisions that are all pointed in the same direction.

Here are four tips to help you get started:

1. Brainstorm these questions together: What is important to you as a couple and what values need to come out during your wedding?  What represents you as a team?  Be honest with yourselves.
2. Write your big picture vision (overall goal). Here is our wedding vision as an example:
   We want our wedding to be a timeless event, simple and elegant, which brings together our values and those who are important to us. It reflects upon our past and highlights who we are today; it projects what we will be in the future.
3. Jot down the values that are important to you both: flexible, organized, thoughtful, personal, family-oriented, importance of education.
4. Write down what the principles you want to guide your decision making, for example: Utilize our time and our guests’ time wisely.

Now you have a basic vision with objectives that you can share with people who may be—in business speak—stakeholders or in more informal terms, VERY interested persons like parents, wedding party etc..  This helps you to communicate what is important to you two as a couple, and you can choose whether you want feedback or not.  Make adjustments as you see fit, based on the input you get from those people who are important to you.

Now live it.  Make your vision come to life and know that everyone will feel your vision at one point, because you’ll be living it out loud!  If you delegate things to your friends or family, make sure they understand what you want—your intent.  In Haney’s world in the Navy, this is called “Commander’s Intent.”  With this vision and your discussion, you can trust them without ever micromanaging; you don’t want to become the “bride-[or dare we say, groom-] zilla”!

Hold each other accountable to your vision.  If discussions get heated or emotional, take a pause and reference your vision.  Reference the values and the guiding principles.  We can guarantee that you’ll get through the tough decision (with your future spouse or other family) if everyone understands and sticks to the “why” of your wedding: who you are as a couple and why it’s worth anyone’s time to get together to celebrate.

Now that you have your goals aligned get ready to make decisions! Stay tuned, next Friday we are blogging about picking a city and planning from afar! Bon voyage for now!